hud ,gnilhtrae na tsuj
sometimes i feel like a wii character with my head being too big for my body. it used to happen a lot more when i was younger than it does now, but it still happens every once in a while. i get caught up in my head & down about the kind of person i am. – the kind of person that doesn’t say cool things, or can’t seem to find the time to exercise or doesn’t have a significant other. but you know what kind of person i am? i’m independent and spritely and i love my job & i’m getting my master’s. i’m badass. life is turning around and i am in the front of the crowd. i’m beating to my own drum but i’m learning about living in community and not being so inwardly drawn. take part, it’s delicious.
can you comprehend the energy of this song?
or not be completely enamored by this one?
OR THIS
oh boy.
i’ve been really into Someday Soon by KT Tunstall too. & Body Language by Jesse McCartney & T-Pain (ha! don’t tell anyone!), Sexy Chick by David Guetta & Akon, the acoustic version of Turn it Off by Paramore, and Paramor’s cover of Kings of Leon’s cover of Use Somebody. yum.
“you’ve got to do it on your own”
i had a dream this morning where some girls and i had been hanging out in a room just talking & then we started to do homework. before we started doing the homework i took another girls spot on the couch (when she got up for a second) & she got mad @ me because she planned on going back to that spot to study. instead of just sitting somewhere else I got really upset & went & sat in the dark on the kitchen counter. when sitting on the kitchen counter I was really frustrated that this girl had been so rude to me & that i had felt extremely left out. this setting kind of transformed to me sitting in another room in which i was a boy and i was upset that my brother hadn’t done something with me. (i can’t remember what it was but i sure wish i could!!) when he (my brother) came into the room he stood a ways away from me @ first and he was being rude about what had happened. I threw some pens @ him, and as he came closer to me he picked up the pen for me and I began to cry because our mother had given me that pen and i wanted him to give it back. my brother picked up the pen, gave it to me, and said “you’ve got to do it on your own.”
i kind of woke myself out of this dream because i knew that this was a significant statement. i was actually crying in real life when i woke up and this “you’ve got to do it on your own” statement is something i was surprised to see arise in a dream. i dealt with this a lot in high school, and master’s commission, and even my undergrad. I had kind of forgotten about it until today because things have been going really well here in Mankato…am I falling back into this thinking that i “can’t” do it on my own? i’ve always been able to do it on my own. doing it on my own is scary but when i have these drives that i don’t know that anyone else has, what else am i supposed to do? just stand by the wayside when something comes across that I want? no way. not strive for what i want because it’s too hard to generate change on my own? how would the world ever get anywhere?
this morning I found a fortune in my vest pocket that said, “You are capable of tremendous creativity.” That felt great 
“…it is [about] community & creation & beauty & humanity.”
hello! I mentioned my “drop” playlist in one of my recent posts so I’d thought i’d share w/ you what’s on said playlist because i have been addicteddddd to it ever since.
i like to make mixes for the seasons, & “drop” is in relation to Fall.
Stay Over – The Rescues
Island, IS – Volcano Choir (Justin Vernon of Bon Iver’s new project!)
All Love – Ingrid Michaelson
Hymn #101 – Joe Pug
Time Has Come – Hillsong
(Sittin’ On) The Dock Of the Bay – Sara Bareilles
Honest Face – Liam featuring Eliza Jane Finn
Some Are Lakes – Land of Talk
Hardwood Pews – Horse Feathers
Our Swords – Band of Horses
Love Vigilantes – Iron & Wine
Mmm… – Laura Izibor
Let Loose The Horses – The Rescues
Reign In Us – Starfield
Hey, Soul Sister – Train
Firefly – Owl City
Watcha Say – Jason Derulo
i feel like i’m cheating on the beauty that is What You Say by Imogen Heap, but the remix by Jason Derulo is fun…normally I wouldn’t have two songs by the same artist on a mix, but both of these Rescues songs are new & i <3 them. as for Reign In Us by Starfield, it is a must-have. Two weekends ago I was @ a young adults retreat & the worship band played this song our first night. A friend of mind didn’t know what it was so we were searching for it last week but couldn’t find anything. I finally had the idea to ask a friend of mine who was on the worship team & he knew! I’ve had it for less than a week & I think I’ve listened to it about 15 times. geez. the Train song is so unlike Train! if you haven’t heard it you must go test it out now! Mmm…by Laura Izibor is so so catchy. you will get hooked.
enjoi!
“Greg Grunberg!”
yesterday i finished the audio book of The Middle Place by Kelly Corrigan just as I was pulling up the driveway. it was perfect.
I just finished writing “at it’s finest” & I was going to stick this on to end of it, but it’s better for this “felicity” category instead…
the internet has been going in & out here @ Dunn Bros & just a second ago, when it was booting back up the little lines that were going up and down to signify the level of wireless that I had was completely along w/ the beat of Death Cab for Cutie’s Translaticism. Ilana Jade, how amazingly beautiful is that?
at it’s finest
the thing is, that if you want to know what’s going in my life, why don’t you pick up a phone and call me? or write me an e-mail? send me a text? or even ::gasp:: send me a message on thatsitewedon’tdaresaywe’readdictedto?
writing blogs is fun though. I don’t know when the last time was that I wrote, but thoughts have constantly been crossing me mind & i’ve been making mental notes to share them with you readers.
where to begin?
i haven’t had blinds or a shade up in my room since i moved in so last week i hung up a blanket for a little privacy. considering that my bedroom window faces Bliss & it’s bustling patio, I was constantly conscious of the amount of clothes i was wearing & who could see me do what. even though i’ve looked up @ my bedroom window from the patio of Bliss & you can only see into the room as far as directly in front of the window & maybe the side wall…the blanket hung is a blue & white afghan that encourages me to “Remember the Bengal Pride.” okay Blaine High School, I’m remembering you.
I was on a retreat this past weekend & I came back to my apartment to find Donald Miller’s new book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years tucked under the carpet by my door. glory!! I’ve recently finished Blue Like Jazz & I cannot believe how long I have waited to read that book. If you have not read it you have waited too long as well. buy it. highlight words and sentences that touch you heart & write in the margins & hold onto Donald Miller’s thoughts like you’d hang onto a tall tree branch after having kicked off your sandals in desperation of reaching the pinnacle of this tree…
I’m @ Dunn Bros in North Mankato & there are these women that have known two other parties of women that have came for lunch or a quick coffee. Being here, in Mankato, is lonely in some aspects. It hasn’t really driven me to anything yet, but if friendships don’t develop in an efficient manner it’s going to be a long winter. I miss being in the cities where I would see people I knew when out & I had people physically a part of my days to share my life with. I don’t have that here. Being alone helps with having an abundance of time to do homework, but how long can that really continue?
On this same note, I have lost my closeness with a few people that I once loved. Either they’ve moved past our friendship, or circumstances in their lives have changed to more fully occupy their time but no matter the story, I have lost them and now I have less people. Less people to be my people. Less people to receive advice from, less people to laugh & cry with, and less people to share souls with.
i’m still addicted to Bon Iver’s a capella version of For Emma.
when I walk across campus listening to Jesus music I feel like I’m witnessing. Like I carry this aura of God’s grace that I don’t carry when I walk across campus listening to Bon Iver, the playlist iamnotamusicsnob that I made for a friend, or The Middle Place by Kelly Corrigan.
maybe another reason why i haven’t written a blog in such a while is related to a line i read in A Million Miles today. I’d quote it directly but I can’t seem to find it. While i was trying to find it I just read another chapter…ha. Donald Miller is like this. Last night even, I told myself I was tired and that I was just going to read until the end of the chapter but then I picked up another. Then this morning I read a few more…anyway the sentence was something about those who are actually living their lives don’t have time to write about it. I read that, and i was like, “yeah…that’s it! i’m living my life!”
but…of course I’ve been living my life during my other blogs too, I have just made blogging a part of my life and maybe another reason I haven’t blogged recently is because I lost the free wireless I was picking up in my apartment. ?
i cannot get over this “share my life with” thought. my independence is so liberating to me but at the same time, I can hardly wait for another close friend to do this with. Heidi & i were there when I lived in Winona, but now we’re only able to talk online or through fone calls…i’m hopefully going to Winona next weekend & staying w/ her so that will be delightful!
there’s something about being with someone, you know? last week friends of mine & i played Would You Rather & one of the questions was, “Would you rather spend your entire life living in a two bedroom house with your parents, your siblings, and your descendants, or never be able to physically be with them again?” There was not nearly as much frantic discussion for this question as there was for the others. Thinking about it now I almost want to cry…it’s hard to consider the magnitude of never being in the presence of your family again, but I am familiar with it from the nine months I spent in Virgina. I didn’t need to hug my parents or look at them eye-to-eye when discussing something important, but I needed to sit on the bar stools in my dining room while my mom made dinner, I needed to go see a movie w/ my dad & have him tell me what he rated it on a scale of 1-5 when we were walking back to his truck, I needed to take a nap on j’s bed while she cleaned her room.
what’s your opinion on men & women sharing their lives and spending time talking to the opposite sex that are not their significant other? or at least, someone they’re working towards being their significant other? I think that men have a different view than most women have because it seems, from the experiences that I and other women have had, that men are more willing to be close friends w/ a girl w/o having an intimate relationship with them. (Dating, or being “together” or developing a dating relationship…) I was recently understanding this & my mom related it to a friendship of mine that I have w/ a guy that’s getting married in May. She was like, “See, it’s like your friendship with ___. You can’t like…talk to him when he gets married. I think people who are intimate with their significant other need to like…preserve their words for their spouse.” She of course didn’t say it like that, because she is a woman of direction but this is what it was. While I agree and would not want my s/o or spouse conversing on the phone w/ other women, I don’t really like it. Maybe there aren’t enough men for guys like this friend of mine or my future spouse to talk to instead of other women.
This is getting really long, isn’t it?
I’m still sitting in Dunn Bros. & it’s pouring rain outside. A handful of us are sitting here on our laptops or with a book or with a friend and getting through our day-out of the gloom & wetness of october 1 in mankato, mn. I feel united with these people. Lightning, wow! Thunder! Hopefully it clears up by 6ish tonight when I’ll be driving to the cities.
My dad introduced me to the lovely sounds of Horse Feathers a week or two ago. A friend of mine said the acoustic-ness of it is beautiful. I teased him about saying “beautiful” but he’s right .
okay. i think i’ve pressed all my words for you…give grace unconditionally until i write again.
<3
i’ve listened to this song at least a dozen times in the last few days. probably more actually. it is this recording and it is amazing.
Miller, my man
A new book by Donald Miller! I’m finally reading through Blue Like Jazz now & I cannot wait to hear more of his words spoken into my little heart! sample the first few pages below
“take that amanda b(ia).”
Safari has been freezing up when i use facebook here & there…has anyone else had this problemo? i’m using Firefox for a bit so i don’t need to keep quiting it & jumping to Firefox anyway.
just now I was looking around Gabe Bondoc’s youtube site & on the tag for amos lee’s sweet pea he wrote, “such a great song…i’m going to sing this to my kids one day =).” the earth needs more men like this. and then i need to meet them. ha! take a gander. it’s beautiful.
tip numero tres para Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff = Let Go of the Idea that Gentle, Relaxed People Can’t Be Superachievers. one may continue to strive strive strive to be the best, but in reality this ends up draining the creativity & motivation right out of them! Author Richard Carlson closes with, “When you have what you want (inner peace), you are less distracted by your wants, needs, desires, and concerns..[&] it’s thus easier to concentrate, focus, achieve your goals, and to give back to others.”
i’m all moved in to my apartment in mankato, mn! last week i moved some stuff in, and then yesterday my fam & i moved errythang in. it wasn’t as bad as i thought it was going to be, but it was definitely work. where & how did i come to acquire so much schtuff? gee. i think i am finally fully unpacked! i’m still using someone’s wireless (shh…), my bed is made, and unlike any day in Winona, there are dishes!in!the!sink! take that amanda b(ia). i look around and it feels so good to be surrounded by everything that i have chosen for myself. yesterday my aunt asked me if it feels like “home sweet home” yet & the answer was a most certain “yes.”
listen to more Gabe Bondoc & then listen to Kim Walker, Mumford & Sons, Amos Lee…The Rescues, & Deb Talan. their music is like fuel. go go gadget life.
